Four weddings and a funeral

I was married, aged 25, in 1994. In September of that year I had 4 weddings and a funeral. My wedding was on the 10th, two friends were the following Saturdays, and a cousin of my wife was the final wedding. My Mum was put to rest on the 20th September. Strangely enough 1994 is the same year that the movie came out.

My Mum had been sick for the previous year with pancreatic cancer. It is very aggressive and I was told at the time that it was one of the top three and worse than a brain tumor. At the time that Mum was sick I was living with my girlfriend, Colleen, in 5 bedroom shared accommodation in Lane Cove, Sydney.

In April of that year we found out we were having a baby (there is a whole blog in that story of how not to react when your girlfriend tells you she is pregnant!). We went to my parents to tell them and at the end of the conversation my Mum asked us to get married. Well, you do not argue with your mother, let alone if she is dying ... so we set a date in October 1994.

Colleen and Brett weddingThe Garrison Church, Millers Point, Sydney, Australia

A month later and my Mum asked us to move the date forward as she did not feel she would live to October ... looking back on this now it still amazes me that she made the day and the power of the mind to get to a key date when you set your heart on it.

Saturday September 10th, 1994, 10:15am*. The day is scattered clouds (photographer = happy) in Sydney and we are getting married at the Garrison Church - one of the oldest churches in Australia.

A wonderful day, beautiful ceremony, friends and family. All of our photos look great and people are happy and smiling to celebrate the day. But the photos are not complete, there is something missing, Mum is not there. She was in a coma on the day and despite having an ambulance booked in case we could get her there, she was simply too sick.

Brett and Colleen Murphy, wedding day

On Monday, Mum woke up from the coma. The doctors told us that this should not have been possible, she was on so much morphine that she should sleep until she passed away ... but she woke.

She called for Dad, myself and Colleen and my brother. She told Colleen and I that she had seen the video of our wedding and that it was beautiful. She told me that I had Colleen and to look after her and the baby.

Colleen and I were due to go on our honeymoon ... we cancelled it. Instead we did day trips so we could stay close to Mum.

Thursday, 15th September. We were driving on our way to the Three Sisters in Katoomba with my new father-in-law, David. I was not comfortable and as soon as we got there I asked that we turn around. A quick toilet break and we were on our way back. We were an hour out of Sydney.

20 minutes out of Sydney I was driving and heard an ambulance. I could not see it and asked if Colleen or David could - they did not see or hear one. Two minutes later there was a call on my car phone (too long ago for a mobile phone!) ... it was Adrian, the priest at Mum's hospital. Mum had died peacefully in her sleep and we could come over and see her if we wished.

We dropped off David as we wanted to see Mum together. We arrived to my dad and brother already there. She was finally at rest.

Luke Murphy was born on the 10th December 1994, 3 months after Mum died. Mum had passed but Luke was born ... and there were two more grandchildren to come. Mum would be very proud, her grandkids are beautiful with great hearts. They have some of her attributes - talkative, fun, driven, stubborn, lots of hair ... but not short ... Mum was just over 5 foot.

September 1994 was amazing and heartbreaking ... tears of joy and sorrow. I have personally come a long way. I thought I was over the grief of my Mum's death ... but that is not the full story. In February 2013, I lost another. It has been so hard. I honestly thought I would be good at this now - for goodness sake, I got through my Mum's death, didn't I?! It is not the case. This death has led me to a greater understanding not just of grief but of myself, my family, my work and my friends ... so this story next time.

This blog has been released on our 19th Wedding anniversary - 10th September 2013. To my wife, Colleen, I simply love you. To my kids - Luke, Sean and Aislinn - who never met their grandmother, you would have loved her - she was cheeky, a teacher, and she loved among all things, her family and cats.

In memory of Robin Murphy
4th March 1942 - 15th September 1994

* We arranged our wedding for 10:15am as Mum was better in the mornings than the afternoon. If she was to get there, then it was more likely in the morning.